Yelling “NO!” together to abuse and violence against young people!

After I took my first self-defense class almost 30 years ago, I kept meeting people of all ages from all walks of life who told me stories full of the words, “If only ….”

“If only,” one would sigh. “If ONLY, when my youth group leader dropped all the other kids off first on our way home after a field trip – and then touched me in a way that my Mom and Dad had said I should never let someone touch me — if only I had known what to say and do to stop this person – if only I had had the words to tell my parents what happened — so many parts of my life would have been so much easier!”

The details would change but the sadness about someone abusing an innocent person was the same.

Of course, I always told each of these people that what happened was the responsibility of the person who harmed them – and that not knowing what to do was not their fault. I celebrated with them their courage, resilience,and healing in learning how to protect themselves now.

And, the power of all those “If ONLY” stories has fueled Kidpower from the beginning.

A few years after we started,  there was the day when a sixteen-year old girl, who I knew very well, walked up to me, took both my hands in hers, and said:

“Today when I was riding on a crowded city bus, an older man who had been drinking kept touching a young woman. She looked so uncomfortable but didn’t seem know what to do. And everyone on the bus was so silent. I glared at him and was about to ask the woman if this was okay with her when the bus stopped, and she got off.

Then the man started staring at me and stumbled towards me, saying that I was so beautiful that he couldn’t help himself. Everyone was still silent. I got out of my seat, moved closer to the driver, and had decided to ask the driver to do something – only suddenly we were at the metro center and everyone left the bus.

As I was leaving, I stayed alert and sure enough, that man started to follow me, again saying that he just couldn’t help himself. This time, I got into ready position and said in a firm loud voice, “You are NOT going to walk my way. You are going to turn around and walk the OTHER way.” The man muttered that he wasn’t doing anything, and I said that he should not be bothering people no matter how he felt.”

“And that man turned around and walked away!”

This dear young woman looked at me and smiled. “Today I realized,” she said, “that there have been so many times that what you taught me in Kidpower has helped keep me from being one of those statistics about how many girls and boys are sexually assaulted before they are 18 years old. Thank you.”

And I thought – if this is the ONLY young person we EVER help, all our challenges in getting Kidpower going will have been WORTH it!

Awareness, action, and skills can keep our precious children and teens safe from most abuse, most bullying, and most other violence, most of the time.

Please help us honor April as Child Abuse Prevention Month by:

1. Making SURE kids know you care. Discuss the Kidpower Protection Promise with every young person in your life who you are in a position to help. Tell them, “You are VERY important to me. If you have a safety problem, I want to know. Even if I seem too busy. Even if someone we care about will be upset. Even if you made a mistake. Please tell me and I will do everything in my power to help you.” Ask them occasionally, “Is there anything you have been wondering or worrying about that you have not told me.” Listen with compassion to their answers, avoiding the temptation to joke or lecture.

2. Not letting discomfort get in the way of safety. Decide to make the Kidpower Put Safety First Commitment: “I WILL put the safety and well-being of young people ahead of anyone’s embarrassment, inconvenience, or offense.”  The fear of upsetting or bothering someone can make it hard to speak up – and breaking the silence is at the foundation of stopping sexual abuse. Don’t automatically trust people or places because they are familiar to you, have a great reputation, do nice things for kids, are in positions of authority, or seem wonderful. Make sure that their behavior and values are consistently Worthy of Trust.

3. Supporting young people in developing healthy boundaries and strong relationships. Teach kids positive communication skills. Uphold the Kidpower rule that touch, games, or play for fun or affection should be the choice of each person, safe, allowed by the adults in charge, and not a secret. Teach kids that touch should not be secret, games should not be secret, presents someone gives you should not be secret, videos and photos should not be secret, and problems should not be secret. Coach young people so they are successful in practicing skills – using examples that are relevant to their lives – so that they are prepared to stay aware, speak up, resist emotional coercion, move away from trouble, and be persistent in getting help from busy adults.

4. Sharing information. Tell parents, educators, and administrators about Kidpower’s tools for teaching child abuse prevention strategies and skills for schools and other youth-serving organizations that help protect children and teenagers, including those with special needs, from most abuse, bullying, abduction, and other violence.  Share the articles and videos on our Child Abuse Prevention Resource Page.

5. Partnering with International Child Protection Month. International Child Protection Month was established in September 2014 to support, inspire, and honor adult leadership in keeping young people safe from harm and in empowering children and teens to take charge of their own well-being. Our first year, we reached over 300,000 adults. Join us so we can reach over 1,000,000 educators, parents, and other caring adults with simple effective actions they can take that can make a great difference in their families, schools, organizations, and communities.

Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Founder and Executive Director

Kidpower Founder and Executive Irene van der Zande is a master at teaching safety through stories and practices and at inspiring others to do the same. Her child protection and personal safety expertise has been featured by USA Today, CNN, Today Moms, the LA Times, and The Wall Street Journal. Publications include: cartoon-illustrated Kidpower Safety Comics and Kidpower Teaching Books curriculum; Bullying: What Adults Need to Know and Do to Keep Kids Safe; the Relationship Safety Skills Handbook for Teens and Adults; Earliest Teachable Moment: Personal Safety for Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers; The Kidpower Book for Caring Adults: Personal Safety, Self-Protection, Confidence, and Advocacy for Young People, and the Amazon Best Seller Doing Right by Our Kids: Protecting Child Safety at All Levels.