For younger children, the rules about people and their private areas are very confusing.
They wonder:
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- Why is it okay to see each other using the bathroom in our family and NOT okay to try to see kids when they are going to the toilet at school?
- Why can I run naked through the sprinklers in the back yard – and have to wear a bathing suit when we go to the park?
- Why do I have to let the doctor look under my clothes, and it is NOT okay to play doctor and look under the clothes of my friends?
For children, the Kidpower safety rules about touching, showing, or viewing anyone’s private areas are:
“Your private areas are the parts of your body that can be covered by a two-piece swimming suit. For play or teasing, other people should not touch your private areas, nor should they ask you to touch their private areas, nor should they take or show you movies or pictures about people and their private areas. For health or safety, such as if you are sick, your grownups or doctor might need to touch your private areas, but it is never a secret.”
To learn more, read Touch and Consent in Healthy Relationships.
It is normal for many children to try out behaviors that they know are against their safety rules. Maybe they didn’t understand the rules or just forgot – or they want to get attention – or they might be experimenting with different uses of their power.
Parents worry about how to set and uphold boundaries about body safety without being too explicit or shaming their kids.
The key is to be calm, kind, and specific about the behavior by stating matter-of-factly, “It is against our safety rules to pull down your pants in front of other people at school.”
If a child keeps on testing the rules, adults might need to insist on closer supervision.
One girl in a kindergarten insisted on trying to look under the door of the toilet stall to see other girls going to the bathroom, even after being repeatedly told not to. The result was that she could only use the bathroom when an adult was present.
One boy kept taking photos of his friends with his new camera on an overnight while they were changing into their pajamas. For a while, his parents kept the camera, and he had to ask for permission to use it.
And anytime you tell them not to do something, be prepared for children to ask you, “WHY?”!!!
Anyone who spends much time with children knows that the question “Why?” comes up constantly– whether the question is why rabbits can’t fly, or why can’t I stand on the table in the middle of dinner, or why can’t I show someone my penis or vagina if I feel like it, or why do I have to ask my grownups first before I can talk to strangers?
Here are some answers for adults with younger children who are constantly asking, “WHY?”
We need to be aware that rules about nudity are often different in different families and cultures – with some being fine with young kids running naked in the back yard through the sprinklers on a hot day – and others for whom this would be unacceptable.
Before you leave your children in the care of other parents have a frank conversation with them about your expectations about this and other issues. Before you accept responsibility for their child, insist that they do the same with you. These conversations might be uncomfortable – AND, as we teach in Kidpower, your children’s safety is more important than anyone’s discomfort. Learn more here.
Our entertaining all-color Kidpower Children’s Safety Comics are full of engaging cartoon-illustrated social stories that make it easy and fun for adults to teach and practice skills to teach children how to be safe with people they know and with strangers.
Here are some of the stories about teaching body safety: The Hot Day Story, The Sleepover, The ‘Uh Oh’ Feeling Story, and The Curiosity Story.
You will find many resources for early childhood education here. We have live online Familypower: Starting Strong workshops for ages 3-7 together with their adults that are available regularly.
Our Kidpower Mini-Lessons are available in our Online Learning Center for free, in both English and Spanish, and will delight the young children in your life with puppet role plays!
If you are looking for an everyday resource that you can keep by your side for teaching young children safety skills, pick up a copy of Earliest Teachable Moment: Personal Safety for Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers – available in Paperback and Digitally in the Online Learning Center.
Your donation powers Kidpower’s work to teach young children how to be safe with their bodies – and to provide abuse prevention safety skills training for people of ALL ages!
Published: March 21, 2025 | Last Updated: March 21, 2025
Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Founder and Executive Director
Kidpower Founder and Executive Irene van der Zande is a master at teaching safety through stories and practices and at inspiring others to do the same. Her child protection and personal safety expertise has been featured by USA Today, CNN, Today Moms, the LA Times, and The Wall Street Journal. Publications include: cartoon-illustrated Kidpower Safety Comics and Kidpower Teaching Books curriculum; Bullying: What Adults Need to Know and Do to Keep Kids Safe; the Relationship Safety Skills Handbook for Teens and Adults; Earliest Teachable Moment: Personal Safety for Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers; The Kidpower Book for Caring Adults: Personal Safety, Self-Protection, Confidence, and Advocacy for Young People, and the Amazon Best Seller Doing Right by Our Kids: Protecting Child Safety at All Levels.